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'The Five' on Baltimore town hall


This is a rush transcript of “The Five” on October 22, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

JESSE WATTERS, FOX NEWS HOST (on camera): Hello, everybody. I’m Jesse Watters along with Dagen McDowell, Jessica Tarlov, Kennedy, and Greg Gutfeld.

It’s five o’clock in New York City, and this is THE FIVE.

We’re getting brand-new information in a tragic mistake rocking Hollywood. Alec Baldwin accidentally shooting dead cinematographer Alina Hutchins and wounding the director after firing off the shot from a prop gun on the set of his movie in New Mexico.

The actor seen crying right after the incident with witnesses saying Baldwin was asking people around him why he was handed a hot gun. Everybody now wondering how this could have happened. The prop master’s union reportedly saying there was a live round in the gun Baldwin fired. And the L.A. Times reporting the prop gun misfired just days before the accident and the camera crew had previously walked off the set over unsafe working conditions.

The actor tweeting out a statement saying there are no words to convey his shock and sadness regarding the tragic accident and that his heart is broken for the family of Hutchins. Baldwin was questioned by police and released without any charges being filed. The Santa Fe sheriff’s office says the investigation remains open and active and witnesses are being interviewed.

Greg, this is a crazy story obviously. A lot of protocols were not followed to have something like this happen. There’s going to be a huge investigation and potential mammoth insurance pay-out afterwards.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CO-HOST: Yes, I mean, he’s not just the actor in this. He’s the producer. So, he’s got a lot on the line here. There’s — right now I’m going through good Greg bad Greg.

WATTERS: Take your time.




WATTERS: I never heard of good Greg.

GUTFELD: Good Greg says — and good Greg feels this. That I feel absolutely awful for the victim’s family. I feel absolutely awful for Alec Baldwin. I can’t imagine how horrible he must feel in that situation for that to happen. It’s got to be like he’ll be known for this for the rest of his life. It’s horrifying.

But then bad Greg says if anyone of us had accidentally shot and killed someone or a police officer, he would be all over it. He would show no such compassion. We know that as a gun control activist that he’s done that to police officers online. He would destroy us. That’s bad Greg.

So good Greg is going to say OK, this is about training. This is about violating the golden rules of handling guns. One, you always point it in the safe direction and number two, your finger is always off the trigger, and this all goes even in movies and you always keep the gun unloaded until you use it and treat all guns as though they’re loaded.

That’s what I learned from my NRA training from Mark Centrillo, my trainer. I learned those things. And as a neurotic, I’m a very, very good gun owner. So, what might have caused this? Carelessness and probably comfort in the sense that you’re in this land of make believe so you forget the protocols.

It’s a really interesting hypocrisy in Hollywood. There’s a lack of respect for guns by the characters that the actors are playing. Right? There’s never any recoil. They’re always pointing the gun like this. This is not a realistic gun practice.

So, the hypocrisy is, people in movies propagate unsafe gun practices while condemning the NRA, which pushes safe gun practices. So, you have this evil — the evil prism of two ideas. You are either pro-gun control or you’re evil and that prevents you from benefitting from your adversaries training.

Training from the sworn enemy, the NRA, would have prevented this. If you had actual NRA training, this would not have happened. But I doubt Alec Baldwin had any NRA training. Having said that, I feel awful, I feel awful about it.

WATTERS: Yes. What does good Kennedy and bad Kennedy have to say about this?

MONTGOMERY: I share Greg’s remorse for this. I feel really bad for that woman’s family. Because you know, she’s going to work. She’s a real bad ass, a woman in a very male dominated profession, director of photographer with a son and a husband. You think, you know, it’s going to be safe. You’re going on location. It’s pretty route. And then she loses her life.

That’s, you know, good Kennedy. I’m really just piggybacking on good Greg because it’s Friday. And piggybacking is fun.


MONTGOMERY: But bad Kennedy asks, who killed this woman? Did the gun kill this woman or did Alec Baldwin —


WATTERS: That’s interesting.

MONTGOMERY: — killed this woman? And I think that ultimately will be the question when the lawsuits are filed? Who is responsible here? And it’s very interesting. I know Dagen can speak to this in greater detail.

But I think this is going to be part of a huge union fight. Because the unions are going to say if you had more union involvement, this would be safer. Unions make everything better. We know that is not necessarily the case especially for things like teachers unions and every other public sector union. But I think that is going to be the thrust of a massive fight aside from the questions that are directly asked of this case.

WATTERS: Yes, they are going to find out were well-trained, well-organized union members responsible for handling this weapon appropriately and then did they leave or were they fired, did they walk off the set because of this brouhaha over cost cutting. And with all of this stuff not there, did a mistake happen?

DAGEN MCDOWELL, FOX NEWS BUSINESS CORRESPONDENT: Well, the L.A. Times is reporting that the camera crew members of the International Alliance of Theatrical Stage Employees, IATSE, spent — they walked off the set. And it appears as if there were certainly non-union workers filling in.

So again, were the standard safety protocols being followed by the prop master, the arm work, the stunt coordinator and the like. But IATSE, that union is already in a huge contract fight with the studio. So, it does raise the attention and level of outrage based on those union members about what’s going on.

But speaking of gun control, when these horrible accidents happen, I always wake up and think, who is going to weigh-in on social media for their own benefit for attention to bloat their own ego, to feed their own narcissism? Guess who it was? Gun control advocates.

They hit the tweets sphere almost immediately trying to exploit this tragedy for again, for their own agenda. This is a workplace accident. None of their ideas on restricting gun ownership or dismantling abolishing the second amendment would prevent this tragic accident from happening. It’s negligence. Clear. Based on what we know it looks like negligence.

But this just seems gross. And it’s not going to change anybody’s mind about gun control. But here’s just one example of what I saw. Frances Fisher is one of the stars on this movie.


MCDOWELL: And she had — she retweeted this tweet from Shannon Watts of “Mom’s Demand.” And saying, this, what you’re saying in this tweet she was quoting a Daily Beast article. And Frances Fisher said these quotes are inaccurate. Our director is already out of the hospital. She had said he was in intensive care.

I don’t subscribe to the Daily Beast, so if that’s what they’re saying, they’re wrong. Can you correct them? But again, it’s this rush to make this accident, this death about gun control and it just raises the issue of like whatever happened to having some grace and just shutting the hell up? If you’re not going to say thoughts and prayers, then don’t say anything. Something that’s roundly mocked by the left often.

WATTERS: Jessica?

JESSICA TARLOV, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Well, there were some very unpalatable tweets from both sides. J.D. Vance who is running for a senator from Ohio tweeted something absolutely disgusting about letting Trump back on. So, you know, Alec Baldwin who famously played him on SNL weekend end up more tweets.

Congresswoman Lauren Boebert also tweeted something disgusting that’s definitely not any a time for any of that especially because this was a workplace accident.

I’m curious to see what Alec Baldwin’s role as a producer on this does in terms of complicating the situation for him. And I grew up going to movie sets a lot. My dad was a producer. And I noticed from the age of seven when I was kind of being cognizant of what was going on, how nervous the actors were around guns to make sure that everything was going to be fine because they aren’t firearms experts. They are not people who have had training in this.

And you rely on the people, whether it’s the union folks or the private handlers that have been hired to ensure that it is going to be safe. And this idea of that there were real bullets in there and I understand that that can happen before and I think it was Brandon Lee was the last time someone died on the set, 1993 —


GUTFELD: You still think that one.

TARLOV: — in “The Crow.” Right?

GUTFELD: Wasn’t that still a — I mean, the blank comes out at the same speed.

TARLOV: Right. But it doesn’t —

MONTGOMERY: He died in surgery. Yes. He died after six hours of surgery.

MCDOWELL: But what happened was, there was a squib in the gun which is means to look like a real bullet. But it doesn’t — it has the power removed from it.


MCDOWELL: And there was a fragment from the squib in the gun and then they used a blank, which is a full charge, no lead. So, the blank, the charge sent that projectile —


MCDOWELL: — out of the gun and killed him ultimately.

WATTERS: Horrible tragedy and we will continue to keep you guys —


MCDOWELL: Sorry to —

TARLOV: Yes, I appreciate that.

WATTERS: — posted as we find out more information. Ahead, clueless Joe Biden outright admits he doesn’t know how to fix rampant inflation next.


MONTGOMERY (on camera): All right. Very good. As the supply crisis gets worse and rampant inflation smacks the average consumer right in the face and the babymaker don’t look to the commander-in-chief for answers. President Biden admitting he does not have a clue on how to fix any of those problems. Watch.


JOE BIDEN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA: I don’t have a near- term answer. There’s two things that I could do. I can go in the petroleum reserve and take out and probably release — reduce the price of gas maybe 18 cents or so a gallon, still going to be above $3.

The long shoremen don’t always get along with the business folks in there. I got — I have a relationship with them. And I brought them together and I said you got to be open 24/7. No port there was open five days a week, 40 hours a week, 24/7. They’ve all agreed to it. They’ve agreed to it.


MONTGOMERY (on camera): I feel like he’s really trying to blame the long shoremen now, Jesse. I don’t know if that’s the best move for him. So, this was obviously a great showing by the president.

WATTERS: Tremendous performance.

MONTGOMERY: And he had answers for everything, especially the supply chain.

WATTERS: Yes, his answer is well, I don’t have any answers. And that’s pretty clear he doesn’t understand supply and demand and that’s clear because Hunter handles his finances. He doesn’t understand in a recovery, you have to have supply meet demands. So, you can’t be taking away permits and pipelines and leases.

So right now, we’re begging OPEC to increase supply. And OPEC saying screw you. We’re going to see this thing go to $100 a barrel and we’re going to get rich and Joe can go scratch. And he doesn’t have any other answers. But he campaigned on this. He said we are going to, quote, “get rid of fossil fuels.”

But here’s the real problem. As the inflation goes up, gas prices and oil goes up. And a weaker dollar makes gas prices and oil go even further up. So, he’s going to have high prices, high inflation and a weak dollar and sit around and have no answers for this. I don’t think he has a clue what to do and it’s clear.

MONTGOMERY: So, a lot of these things to people, you know, they don’t — they don’t really understand or want to investigate what transitory inflation is. But they know what high gas prices are.

TARLOV: Right.

MONTGOMERY: And they know that that bites them right in the keister. And I don’t care if it’s Joe Biden who is the president or President Trump or President Obama or Jimmy Carter. You have to have an answer for people who are hurting especially when we’re getting into the holidays. Everything is getting more expensive. But gas is ridiculous. And he was like I don’t really have an answer in the near term.

TARLOV: Well, gas prices and empty shelves. Also, people understand that. And not during the height of a pandemic, kind of in the midst of whatever this new normal is that we’re going to be living for through in perpetuity.

I’ve been talking to past few weeks on the show about the importance of the president at least owning what’s going on. And I do think that that was an important element of this. That there was — it was him talking to a journalist, people wanted him to get interviewed. He got interviewed. Obviously took questions from the audience.

I don’t think that this answer was sufficient for people because they’re still going to be saying, well how can you — you said that inflation would be a near term problem. Ron Klain also said that. That doesn’t seem like it’s going to be the case. What are we going to do?

There was one thing that I thought was really great though in that he explained actually the mechanics of getting a bill passed. And he talked about like how he doesn’t have the votes to get the filibuster reform. and he talked about — he actually named that there were three holdouts which was interesting because we usually think it’s Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema. Kyrsten.

MONTGOMERY: Kyrsten. Kyrsten.

MCDOWELL: That one.


TARLOV: Not Gillibrand.

MONTGOMERY: They’re both Kyrsten. Right?

TARLOV: But spelled differently.


TARLOV: So, I thought that that was interesting. But that answer won’t satisfy the American people but I appreciate that he took the question because they were waiting.

WATTERS: He took it from a stacked audience. Those were handpicked people.

TARLOV: How the —


WATTERS: Three Democrats —

TARLOV: No, they weren’t all Democrats.

WATTERS: They were all Democrats.

MONTGOMERY: Actually, there are few — there are few independents. Very few Republicans.

TARLOV: There were two Republicans.


WATTERS: Independents. That was stacked. You know it and I know it.

MONTGOMERY: And they were at the very end when no one is watching anymore. But Dagen, I want to show the president he had something very interesting to say in terms of vaccines and freedom. Watch this.


ANDERSON COOPER, HOST, CNN: Should police officers, emergency responders be mandated to get vaccines and if not, should they be stay at home or let go?

BIDEN: Yes, and yes. The two things that concern me. One, are those who just try to make this a political issue. Freedom. I have the freedom to kill you with my COVID.


BIDEN: No, I mean, come on. Freedom.


MONTGOMERY: Yes. Come on, freedom.

WATTERS: Come on, freedom.

MONTGOMERY: It’s a pretty great thing. He has it wrong here, Dagen?

MCDOWELL: What a unifier. What a warm person who is really bringing the country together. He’s clearly trapped in a bubble surrounded by socialist sycophants. Because if he’s still kind of stick into that the dirty unwashed Trump voter is the one who is unvaccinated.

Can we get Kyrie Irving on the horn to explain to him that this is not an issue of race, it’s not even an issue of political persuasion, number one.

Number two, does he know that people who are vaccinated can get COVID? And so, are, you know, are they a danger as well to the rest of us? Again, it’s just divisive unnecessarily.

But one thing that does unite the American people is listening to this person stand up there incoherent, either talking out of his ass about the National Guard helping out truckers which can happen which the White House had to backtrack, or actually telling the God awful American truth to the American people.

These high gas prices are by design. The higher they go the more economically sensible electric vehicles become and alternative energy.


MCDOWELL: It is by design because this is — day one, killed the Keystone XL Pipeline then a moratorium on new drilling. You have the Federal Reserve and other agencies strong arming financial firms to not invest in energy projects. I could go on. But I won’t. But this isn’t a bug in the system. This is the feature.

MONTGOMERY: Yes, absolutely. And one of the features of last night was some of Joe Biden’s strange mannerisms including he held up his two fists and just sort of stood there. What’s going on, I know that you went to medical school.

GUTFELD: Yes. That’s called the cornholio.


GUTFELD: It’s a disorder that you get from watching too much Beavis and Butthead which I believe he was doing during the 90s, I believe. I think this calls for a Halloween analogy. The White House, the Biden White House has become the home that forgot to buy Halloween candy. So, they’re turning out the lights and pretending they’re not really there, right?


GUTFELD: Right? Mayor Pete is under the bed. Kamala is in the closet. He’s out in the backyard talking to a bush. You know, there’s no head on this horseman. And I’m trying to figure out why. And the only thing I can think of is that, he’s real — maybe he hasn’t realized this. We’ve realized this. That the woke left contingent that’s controlling him has no solution in a time of crisis. Right?

Diversity training, pronouns, racial politics, you can double in that stuff when the times are great. But when times aren’t great, they suck. And I think Joe just assumed that someone would take care of these things. But there’s no one in his group. You actually do kind of need moderate Democrats and Republicans to help you out. Without them, you can’t require — you can’t expect woke — wokesters to operate heavy machinery.

There’s nothing in Saul Alinsky’s playbook about inflation or, you know, or tax rates or supply chain issues. Right? It’s only about ridicule and race. So, I think that’s where we are. I think America is on auto pilot. Right? Doesn’t it feel that way?

WATTERS: It does.

GUTFELD: Yes, there’s no head on that thing. It’s just, it’s like we’re — we’re the government. America is the government. We can do whatever we want now. If one — if everybody says screw this, we’re not going to do these mandates, it could happen.

WATTERS: We can do whatever we want.


MONTGOMERY: It’s that if they don’t have an answer to —


WATTERS: Whatever want.

GUTFELD: Exactly.


GUTFELD: It’s time for the purge, Jesse.


WATTERS: I don’t even know what that means.

MONTGOMERY: It’s that if they don’t have an answer to one of these things. But the fact they don’t have an answer to —

GUTFELD: To any of them.

MONTGOMERY: — and they’re all happening at once.


MONTGOMERY: God help us all.

GUTFELD: Insane.

MONTGOMERY: Ahead, a ridiculous new excuse from President Biden about why he hasn’t been to the southern border. Talk about that next.


MCDOWELL (on camera): We now know why President Biden has not been to the border. He’s way too busy?


COOPER: Do you plans to visit the southern border?

BIDEN: I’ve been there before. And I haven’t — I mean, I know it well. I guess I should go down. But the whole point of it is, I haven’t had a whole hell lot of time to get down. I’ve been spending time going around, looking at $900 billion of damage done by hurricanes and floods and weather and traveling around the world. But I plan on — now my wife Jill has been down.


MCDOWELL (on camera): Good. The White House got testy after being pressed on Biden’s claim that he has visited in the past without any evidence.


JEN PSAKI, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: Well, Peter, as you may have seen, there’s been reporting that he did drive through the border when he was on the campaign trail in 2008 and he’s certainly familiar with the fact and it stuck with him, with the fact that in El Paso, the border goes right through the center of town.

PETER DOOCY, FOX NEWS CORRESPONDENT: Does that count as a visit? He said I’ve been there before. You’re saying he drove by for a few minutes? Does that count?

PSAKI: What do you — what is the root cause? Where are people coming from who are coming to the border, Peter?


MCDOWELL (on camera): Greg, she blamed Trump. But he drove through the border. Fifty years in politics and he drove through.

GUTFELD: I — I also, if that counts, I also actually went to Turkey once because I had a connection there.


GUTFELD: Like, do you ever do that? You count where you’ve been —



TARLOV: The state.

GUTFELD: Yes. Exactly. Actually no, I just went to the gift shot and waiting for my next flight. I’ve — you know, part of me says the less he does, the better. But he’s still doing stuff. That’s the problem. If he was just a bumbling consultant hired because he’s your uncle’s best friend, that would be fine. But he’s actually in charge of stuff. And it’s kind of scary.

So, I’m almost being hypocritical saying I should be happy that the country is on autopilot. But maybe it’s not an autopilot. Maybe there’s somebody in the cockpit, and it’s driving this plane into the ground. And maybe they actually know what they’re doing.

MCDOWELL: No, it’s somebody back in the galley nipping at the sauce, and there’s nobody in the cockpit potentially, right?

GUTFELD: There you go.

MCDOWELL: Jess, why would he go to the border at this point? Because he’s going to be greeted by the people who are trying to enforce the — enforce the laws of the country, the Border Patrol, vilified falsely by Biden, Border Patrol on horseback. All the ranchers who were now packing heat wherever they go because people are like swarming over their land, they would be — he would get chants of let’s go, Brandon, for sure.


JESSICA TARLOV, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: A good Friday laugh there, Kennedy. Going to the border — making immigration specifically from the southern border is not something that Democrats tend to do. That’s just a fact. It’s nothing that they want to run on. This has been consistent for decades.

Donald Trump loved going to the border. He’s even gone to the border since he hasn’t been president. And he doesn’t go to places that he doesn’t want to go. He doesn’t show up in Flint, Michigan and talk to people about the water quality there. These are about electoral priorities. He does have someone in charge of the border.

JESSE WATTERS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: He should have gone to Chicago when they were in Chicago. He should have gone down and seen the south side. But he just does events just like he said he went to the border —

TARLOV: Well, he’s also been in office for eighth months.

WATTERS: He flew into El Paso in 2008, drove to New Mexico to do a political event, and then drove back to the airport and flew out of there.

TARLOV: But those are —

WATTERS: That’s going to the border?

TARLOV: It’s about — it’s your priority, and you think that that’s what the most important issue. He showed —

WATTERS: It’s the country’s priority. It’s the country’s priority.

TARLOV: It’s not the country’s number one priority.

WATTERS: Number two issue facing this country, illegal immigration. And you’re a pollster and you should know that.

GUTFELD: Are you a pollster?

WATTERS: Yes, she is.

GUTFELD: I had no idea.

WATTERS: Big time pollster over here.

GUTFELD: Don’t. She’s pregnant.

WATTERS: Right. That’s —

GUTFELD: Big time.

WATTERS: That’s bad, Greg.

GUTFELD: How dare you?

WATTERS: That was bad, Greg. Be nice. Where’s good Greg?

MCDOWELL: Do you have anything else to say?

WATTERS: I was just going to say it’s funny that he says he’s too busy to go to the border. He goes to Delaware every weekend. He’s been the Camp David 10 times, Dagen, 10 times. He’s been doing international trip once. This week, he had a three-day week. He took off Friday and he took off Monday. I don’t know what he’s doing.

TARLOV: Do you want to talk about golf outings?

WATTERS: He doesn’t do anything. At least Trump went somewhere, Air Force 1, sitting on a tarmac, lonely as hell. Air Force 1, it’s just — I feel bad for Air Force 1.


WATTERS: Come sit on me, Joe. That’s all Air Force 1 says. They just want to do something.

TARLOV: This big baby is mad.

WATTERS: All he does is go to Scranton, Scranton and Michigan. There’s other states to go to.

MCDOWELL: Let’s go Brandon.

KENNEDY: Oh, God. Hi. He shouldn’t go to the border. What is happening to human beings at our southern border is awful and cruel. And he’s the president. He’s signed a bunch of immigration executive orders that he is completely backtracked on. He is relying on the Trump’s immigration policy to the point of almost leg humping. I just say that because my dog has started doing that to me.

GUTFELD: And he overturned — one of his executive orders was strictly to just get back at Trump. That’s all it was.


GUTFELD: Politicals, emotional —

KENNEDY: And now, he’s like, you know what, the remain in Mexico policy is actually quite cogent. Let’s go ahead and use that. They don’t have a policy. they don’t have a plan. They should have a plan. They’ve got the votes. They can do something on immigration. If they’re not going to get infrastructure, if they’re not going to get this massive spending bill passed, then at least streamline the system. So people can humanely enter this country, so they’re not passing through viciously awful parts of Central America to almost certain death, in many cases, with kids on accompany being sexually abused.

And it’s awful. And they need to acknowledge that. And that’s one of the things — another one of those things on top of inflation, the supply chain, and Afghanistan where they pretend everything is great. It’s not great. It’s horrible.

MCDOWELL: I was just surprised that Biden wasn’t prepared to answer that question and did a crap job of answering it despite Anderson Cooper feeding him pureed food.

GUTFELD: He also had the question. It was a pre-screened question.

WATTERS: And Dr. Jill has been down there, Dagen. I mean, come on. When your wife goes somewhere, it’s basically the same thing that you’re going.

GUTFELD: And she’s — and by the way, she’s a medical doctor. She was probably they’re treating patients.

TARLOV: I have the same kind of doctor. And I’m a pollster and I’m big.

WATTERS: That’s not what I meant.

MCDOWELL: That’s not what he meant, pollster.

WATTERS: Pollster.

TARLOV: I’m not offended.

WATTERS: It’s like a pejorative,

MCDOWELL: A marine confronted by armed robbers, what happens next, in “THE FASTEST.”


TARLOV: Welcome back it’s time for “THE FASTEST.” First up, a heart- stopping moment caught on camera. A quick-thinking Marine Veteran single- handedly stopping an armed robbery inside a gas station. Here’s how he did it.


JAMES KILCER, MARINE VETERAN: I hear the door kind of open real aggressively. And well, at that point, you know, the Spidey Senses kind of tingled a little bit. I saw one person with a gun and they started yelling, open the register.

DANA PERINO, FOX NEWS CHANNEL ANCHOR: What was in the bag that you hit him with?

KILCER: Two Gatorades, two energy drinks, and a snack.


TARLOV: It’s pretty incredible, fast-moving. Kennedy, could you have done that?

KENNEDY: No. And I don’t think people should do that. Because he learned how to do that in the Marine Corps. Most people will get shot and killed if they try and do something like that and they fail. He practiced this many, many times thanks to the (INAUDIBLE). And hello, James.

GUTFELD: You’re single.

KENNEDY: And ready to mingle. Flamingo.

WATTERS: We needed that guy on the set of the Alec Baldwin movie. The minute he starts — disarmed the guy.

GUTFELD: It’s a callback. I watched that 400 times. I’ve officially seen it more times than Larry Elder selling relief factor which I enjoy.

KENNEDY: He’s the Governor of California now.


TARLOV: I haven’t heard that from any sane person but thank you. Dagen?

MCDOWELL: I always think about like — I might talk a big game but when it comes down to it, like if i was in that situation, I would have hit the deck, right?

WATTERS: I would have just walked right out the door. He was already walking out the door. If you hit the deck, it brings attention to yourself.

TARLOV: That haunts you your whole life though if you don’t — especially if you’re a Marine.


TARLOV: No, you would be fine.

GUTFELD: What about the guy that ran away?

KENNEDY: Actually —

GUTFELD: The dumb friend, the guy that ran off.


GUTFELD: He just let his buddy go.

KENNEDY: And that Marine detained the guy with the gun — with the gun till the cops came. And there were actually two others, and they took off.

MCDOWELL: Actually, if I lived in Yuma County, I would be packing heat one of my mini guns which I don’t have here in New York City.

GUTFELD: Of course not. That would be a felony.

TARLOV: OK, next topic, fun one, and a fun way to travel. These vending machines from Japan are offering up random flights to surprise domestic destinations.

GUTFELD: That’s all? That’s all information we’re going to get?

TARLOV: Well, did you read your packet?


TARLOV: OK, let me help you out.


TARLOV: In Japan, they have these fun vending machines where you don’t know what you’re going to get, right? It’s not like here where you go in to pick, I want this thing. And now, you can get a flight to a random domestic destination.

GUTFELD: Has anybody here been to Japan?



GUTFELD: That’s probably the cleanest thing you’re going to get out of — they have vending machines for everything —


GUTFELD: From people’s underwear —

TARLOV: The ramen one is delicious though. The underwear is gross.

KENNEDY: By the way, the royal milk tea, it is the perfect temperature, perfect ratio of tea, milk, and sugar in a little can. And they you put your money in and they come out, and you pop the top, and the — it’s the most delicious thing you’ll ever put in your body.

GUTFELD: Really? I might try that.

TARLOV: It’s — have you been to Japan? Do you want a free domestic flight?

WATTERS: Oh no, I’m not going to Japan.


WATTERS: I just — there’s other countries on my list.

MCDOWELL: You’re supposed to go China, Jesse?

WATTERS: Why would you ask that? There’s other countries on my list I just prefer to go to. And I’ve been advised not to single out individual countries by name when making my commentary —

TARLOV: By your lawyer?

WATTERS: So I’m just going to — you know, I’m going to leave it at that.

GUTFELD: Lesson learned.

WATTERS: Lesson learned.

TARLOV: Let’s move on to keep Jesse out of jail for the weekend.

MCDOWELL: I don’t do things on the fly. I only get on an airplane if I really have to because I always think about my brother who was stuck on a tarmac in 104-degree heat sitting next to a woman for an hour and a half who had a gallon bag of hard-boiled eggs.


MCDOWELL: And she sat there and feel the —

KENNEDY: And I got to know Landon very well on that trip. And we bought —

MCDOWELL: And she sat there and peeled them one by one and I think — I can’t eat hard-boiled eggs, even thinking about it, and I don’t want to get on a plane thinking about them.

TARLOV: All right, that is disgusting. Last topic, a woman is suing Kellogg’s claiming the company has been misleading consumers over the types of fruit in their frosted strawberry pop-tarts, saying the breakfast pastry contains more apples and pears than actual strawberries. Thank you, Jesse.

WATTERS: All right, cheers. Here we go.

TARLOV: Cheers. It feels very American litigious.

GUTFELD: You know, I would not sue over that.

TARLOV: This is fake strawberry.

GUTFELD: I would sue over burning my mouth because with — the problem when you toast a — toast a pop-tart, the outer areas seem warm and then you bite into it, and then you fry the roof of your mouth.

TARLOV: It is —

WATTERS: Wait 30 seconds, Gutfeld.

GUTFELD: I can’t wait. I shove — I shove stuff down my throat.

WATTERS: I know how hungry you are.

GUTFELD: I don’t even –I don’t even taste food anymore. It goes in —

WATTERS: You might have COVID. That could be a symptom.

KENNEDY: Is he’s going to sue virtual reality company because you know, it wasn’t real marital acts taking place and it was just synthesized?

TARLOV: What’s happening right now?

KENNEDY: Of course it’s fake strawberry. Everything is —

TARLOV: But there’s apples and pears.

KENNEDY: Who cares? Like, fruit-flavored lifesavers. It’s not really fruit. You’re not eating little hollowed-out apples.

GUTFELD: And you know what?

KENNEDY: Is she going to sue them?

GUTFELD: You know what, if you throw lifesavers at something, you’re not going to save them. I did that once. The person drowned.

MCDOWELL: Or they couldn’t choke, Greg.

GUTFELD: Yes, well, on a good day.

MCDOWELL: No, I choked on one. I choked on one.

TARLOV: OK, I think this is over. “FAN MAIL FRIDAY” is up next.


GUTFELD: That’s match game. Remember Gene Rayburn had a really tiny microphone? He always do like this.

KENNEDY: Yes, even in real life.

GUTFELD: Yes, it’s terrible. “FAN MAIL FRIDAY.” Let’s start. Kennedy, you’re out of control. What unnecessary product — oh, this is from Frenchi. What unnecessary product or service do you consider necessary? I have a great answer for this. Let’s go to you, Kennedy. Something that is – –

KENNEDY: Product or service unnecessary. Dana and I were talking about this last weekend. A bike fit.

GUTFELD: What’s that?

KENNEDY: I think a bike fit where you go to a bike fitter and they measure you and it’s kind of expensive and it takes a lot of time so you can ride your bike perfectly.

WATTERS: It’s like getting fitted for golf clubs.

KENNEDY: Exactly.

GUTFELD: Oh, Jesse, good analogy.

WATTERS: I was thinking massage.

GUTFELD: Oh, that’s good.

WATTERS: Yes, not necessary but definitely necessary.

GUTFELD: Yes. I don’t know why you’re saying it that way. It kind of creep me out.

WATTERS: No, it’s like self-care.


WATTERS: You got to take care of yourself.

GUTFELD: Self-care — this is a family show. Don’t bring up that sort of thing.

WATTERS: I’m not talking about — you are so disgusting.

GUTFELD: This is not CNN. We’re not CNN. Stop Toobin-ing us. Jessica? You’re about to have —

TARLOV: I was choking on pop tarts.

GUTFELD: I thought you’re going to have a baby for a minute there.


TARLOV: No, next month though. Watch out for it.

WATTERS: I got it. I got it. I’m sorry. That was Kennedy.

KENNEDY: Yes, I’m —

WATTERS: I’m sorry. I’m just going to videotape it.

KENNEDY: You’re filming.

TARLOV: So you’re guys understand it at home. Kennedy will be delivering the honor baby. Jesse will be filming head up top, nothing — I just wanted to be clear.

WATTERS: That wasn’t discussed, but OK.


TARLOV: Moving on, I am obsessive about very intricate Japanese hand- painted nail art. And a lot of viewers hate it. They say that it’s distracting when I have like a wild design, but it makes me so happy.

WATTERS: Oh, you have it right here.


WATTERS: It kind of looks like the pop tart.


WATTERS: Look at it. Hold it up, side by side. It’s the same thing.

MCDOWELL: You’re not seeing my nails. I look like I’ve been digging up asphalt in the street with my hands, bare hands. Orchids.

WATTERS: Oh, those are nice.

MCDOWELL: They’re part — they’re part of my process.

KENNEDY: Yes, for the win.

WATTERS: That’s nice.


GUTFELD: I still have an iPod.


GUTFELD: I have an iPod.

TARLOV: And a charger for it though?

GUTFELD: Yes. I have everything. I have everything.

MCDOWELL: The wheel?

GUTFELD: I have the wheel. I have an iPod and I use it and I’m going to use it tonight on the ride home. I love it.

WATTERS: You use it — you use it tonight.

GUTFELD: I will use it.

WATTERS: For whatever you want.


KENNEDY: Self-care.

WATTERS: Self-care.

GUTFELD: Perverts.

WATTERS: You’re sick.

GUTFELD: What youthful activity do you wish you could still do? Oh, I’m not going to go to you, Kennedy, because — Dagen, youthful activity?

MCDOWELL: A split.

KENNEDY: How dare you?

GUTFELD: Oh a split.

MCDOWELL: I used to — I don’t — you know, I learned how to do splits in college watching Golden Girls during the day. Eating nachos BellGrande and watching Golden Girls. And it was like my trick at parties where I could run and leap and land in a split. I wish I could do that and I’m not revealing why.

WATTERS: What was your party trick, Kennedy?

KENNEDY: My party — I just missed my metabolism. I would eat four Carmelo’s in one sitting.

GUTFELD: I know. That’s what kills me is the — I also can’t jog. Jessica.

TARLOV: All the things that have been listed. Gymnastics, I had to give up very early. I just became too tall.

KENNEDY: Oh, I thought you meant your pregnancy. I was going to be very impressed.

TARLOV: No, this one was actually not related to that, but since you mentioned it —

GUTFELD: Jesse? Youthful activity do you wish you could still do?

WATTERS: Basketball. Yes, I can’t play anymore.


WATTERS: I can’t dribble. I can’t shoot. I just lost it. It’s what happens when you’re —

TARLOV: Were you very good?

WATTERS: I wasn’t even very good to begin with, so it’s really, really hurtful.


GUTFELD: I was going to say, hitting on chicks.

WATTERS: You used to be able to do that?

GUTFELD: I can’t because I’m married for almost 20 years.

WATTERS: Oh, you missed that?

GUTFELD: Well, it’s like 15 years. I don’t remember.

TARLOV: That’s almost what you round up.

GUTFELD: Yes, I rounded up. She rounds down.

WATTERS: You better get that number right before you get home.

GUTFELD: I know. That’s true. Oh, that’s coming up. “ONE MORE THING” is up next.


WATTERS: It’s time now for “ONE MORE THING.” Greg?

GUTFELD: Tonight, I’ve got a great show. Kennedy is on, so you get a second dose of that, just like the vax. And Tom Shillue and Vivek is on.

WATTERS: Fully Kennedy.

GUTFELD: So, let’s do this. I haven’t made this noise.


GUTFELD: Animals are great! Animals are great! Animals are great!


GUTFELD: You know, I just want to be as happy as this little fellow. When I hear music, I get in the groove. Look at that. Listening to his favorite song, probably the new Melvin’s album. You know, it’s all acoustic and he’s probably listening to —

KENNEDY: King Buzzo.

GUTFELD: Yes, King Buzzo. He’s probably listening to it. Look at him. Look at him go.

WATTERS: No, this has a beat.

GUTFELD: Yes. Well that has a beat. What do you know?

WATTERS: I know more about the Melvin’s than you think.

GUTFELD: Oh please. All right, I’m going to clean up now.

WATTERS: I want to make an announcement. It actually is a very special day in my life tomorrow that I’d like to share with everybody here. It is national TV Talk Show Host day tomorrow. And this is legit. This holiday was created to pay tribute to TV talk show hosts and appreciate their unique form of humor entertaining stories, spontaneous wit and timely political jokes.

I did not write that. This is true. And here is how you can start celebrating tonight with me on “TUCKER CARLSON.” I’m going to be hosting the whole hour at 8:00, and then continue the celebration of TV talk show host tomorrow by watching “WATTERS’ WORLD” at 8:00. Kellyanne Conway, Sarah Palin, Kurt Schilling who is one heck of a guy, and Kacie McDonnell at 8:00. Check that out. Kennedy?

KENNEDY: It sounds very sane. Wonderful. Have you ever wanted to live in a real-life part of Tommy Boy? Well, check this out. This was a charity bike ride in New Jersey. Oh, my gosh. That was a deer that went into the race, knocked one cyclist down. The deer actually tumbled on the shoulder, got up, ran on the grass. Everyone was fine which is miraculous because that could have ended very, very badly.

WATTERS: If they were fitted for their bikes like you were talking about, that wouldn’t have happened.

GUTFELD: I guess the buck didn’t stop there.

WATTERS: Good one, Gutfeld.

GUTFELD: Thank you. Kennedy, you’re done.

KENNEDY: Thank you, Jesse.

WATTERS: Jessica, what else?

TARLOV: It was great prompter. I slurred my words on the B block so it’s all good. But your childhood is calling. The iconic Fisher-Price chatter telephone pole toy has been given an adult upgrade. The phone went on sale for pre-order for a short time Tuesday at Best Buy for $60.00. It now has a Bluetooth-connected handset for grown-ups.

WATTERS: Oh, I remember that.

TARLOV: Isn’t that awesome?


TARLOV: So, it’ll say every number you dial as your finger rotates the wheel, optional speakerphone. It does ring for incoming calls. Outgoing calls begin by just picking up the receiver and it might have longer life than at least I feel about my iPhone, nine hours.

WATTERS: Right. But if you order it, you’re not going to get it until next year because of the supply chain crisis that your favorite president did.

GUTFELD: Thanks, Obama.

WATTERS: It’s fine now.

KENNEDY: High-class problem.

WATTERS: Yes, at least it’s not a treadmill.

MCDOWELL: Guess what’s made here in America? Bud, Bud Light.

WATTERS: All right.

MCDOWELL: Bud Light Seltzer. How about some eggnog-flavored Bud Light Seltzer? This is the ugly sweater pack. It comes out new flavor. It’s eggnog. I have no idea what that tastes like. But Kennedy made me smuggle two warm cans of Bud Light Seltzer into the movie theater on Sunday night and I was really nervous about getting caught.

WATTERS: Kennedy, why?

MCDOWELL: I had them in my sweatpants pockets. She had a bottle of bourbon in her backpack and I had two cans of Seltzer in my sweatpant pockets.

TARLOV: To see a very important movie though.

KENNEDY: It was very — Silence of the Lamb’s 30th anniversary.

WATTERS: Wait, you guys had Seltzer smuggled to watch Silence of the Lambs together, the two of you?

KENNEDY: Maybe. I don’t remember.

WATTERS: That’s crazy. I’ll see you guys here on Monday to get to the bottom of it.

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