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My wife’s so crazy at Christmas that it’s pushed me into the arms of her cousin

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DEAR DEIDRE: My wife has been such a pain in the run up to Christmas it’s pushed me into the arms of someone else – her male cousin. 

She takes the festive season really seriously and flies off the handle when anything falls short of perfect. 

She’s always been quite an intense person, but she turns into a monster every Christmas

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For example, our kids, seven and five, aren’t allowed to hang baubles on the tree in case they ‘mess up the aesthetic.’ 

She’s 41, I’m 39 and we’ve been married for 14 years. 

She’s always been quite an intense person and sometimes, it’s endearing. Seeing how she makes our kids feel so special on their birthdays is lovely. 

But she turns into a monster every Christmas. 

From October onwards, she talks about nothing but presents and new ideas for lunch on the big day. 

A few years ago, her cousin, now 35, split from his husband. We didn’t want him to spend the day alone, so we invited him here. 

For the last three years, it’s been great to have someone to roll my eyes at or crack a joke with every time she goes off on one. 

But last New Year’s, things got out of hand. 

It was just us three adults and the kids, thanks to the restrictions, and my wife headed to bed early. 

Her cousin and I stayed up drinking and watching the celebrations on the TV. 

We’d had pretty much a whole bottle of whiskey between us, and so when Big Ben struck at midnight, we ended up sharing a kiss. 

Suddenly we were both tearing each other’s clothes off like we’d been waiting for this. 

He ended up giving me oral sex while my wife slept upstairs. 

I’d experimented with boys at uni, so this wasn’t all new to me. I’ve always considered myself bisexual. 

I knew it couldn’t happen again, and so I’ve avoided seeing him all year. 

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Now he’s due to join us on Christmas day again – and I’m excited to see him. 

I’m confused – I love my wife – but I’ve got strong feelings for this man. 


DEIDRE SAYS: You need to decide whether you want to work at your marriage or break up your family first and foremost, and in the meantime avoid a repeat performance with this man. 

The issues you talk about with your wife are not unfixable. Perhaps you could help her with some of the prep so that she can relax a little more. 

What is it about your wife’s cousin that you are drawn to? Is it really him you’re attracted to, or the escapism he provides? 

Until you are clear in your head, go to bed early with your wife – you all have too much to lose.

Discussing this with someone impartial, like a counsellor, may help you better understand how you’re feeling. My support pack on counselling will help you find local support.

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